Any Jeremy Clarkson fans?
Apparently his job is under threat cos of the truck driver line.....can`t see it happening myself.
The mans a legend imo....I found some classic Clarkson quotes which made me giggle:
On driving a truck:
It’s a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That’s a lot of effort in a day.
On small cars:
We all know that (they) are good for us. But so is cod liver oil. And jogging. I want to drive in a Terminator, not an EM Forster novel.”
On Sat Navs:
Everyone can navigate by instinct, and if you can’t there’s something wrong with you and you should be in prison. The only people who can’t navigate instinctively are women and anyone trying to find Malpensa airport in Milan.
On rapper Lethal Bizzle:
It’s acts like that which killed Top of The Pops in the first place, they kept booking acts like.. what’s his name? Jizzy tissue.
On the Aston Martin V8 Vantage Roadster:
I would rather be in this than in Keira Knightley.
On the US-designed Chevy Camaro:
Americans are good at herding Bison: the end.
On the Lotus Elise:
This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
On bad weather:
The only reason the Arabs and Jews have managed to keep their nasty little war going for 50 years is because it never bloody rains there. If the post-war powers had put Israel in Manchester, there’d have been no bloodshed.
There is no end to the things I’d do to keep my children out of an inner-city state school. I’d rent my car to a minicab firm and my bottom to an internet downloader.
On funding wildlife preservation:
Why not advertise on the back of a turtle? A turtle doesn’t care whether it says ‘Corus’ on his shell or ‘Saatchi, Cohen & Oven Glove’.
On the British government:
They tell us that if a man drinks more than two small glasses of white wine a day he will catch Chlamydia from the barmaid in the pub garden after closing time.
On the Alfa Romeo Brera:
Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?
On Jade Goody:
A racist, pig-faced waste of blood and organs.
I know plenty of people who take drugs, drive too fast and kill foxes. And they’re all good company. But honestly, I would rather do time in a Turkish prison than spend time with a drinker.
On corporal punishment:
By telling me that I’m breaking the law every time I smack my children’s bottoms, you are taking the pressure off those who lock their kids in a broom cupboard and only let them out to go thieving.
On the German Top Gear:
Hammond: There’s a new tv show in Germany, it’s all about cars and it’s hosted by three people.
Clarkson: I can’t imagine where they got that idea from. anyway, they got in touch with us and they invited us to take them on in a series of races and challenges.
May: Now obviously, we needed somewhere to stage this.
Clarkson: Yes, i suggested we did it in the skies over southern England.
I also remember reading something he said about Lewis Hamilton...something along the lines of: he should be spending his Saturday nights scrotum deep in Sienna Miller
I like him, and think if the BBC scrap him he would be fine on his own, he has written his own books, has several coloumns in various newspapers and he could just run a top gear spin off show and launch it on ITV or a Sky channel and it would be a hit. He is bigger than the BBC think, he doesnt need them.
Have a plan and stick to it
I must say I disagree with him on this though
Thought the prostitutes/truck drivers comment was inspired
Originally Posted by craig.gibson
Whenever I watch Top Gear I do so with my 5 year old son, who has decided that The Stig is rubbish, James May is silly, and his favourite is Richard Hamster. Which, by 5 year old logic, means that my favourite man is Jeremy Clarkson.
Some things are best left unsaid, especially in front of your local shopkeeper. Such as "Look at this magazine dad! It's got your favourite man on it!"
lol...he also said of Keira Knightly that she is an ironing board with a face and that Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a boiled horse!
All fairly accurate imo