My Job Application
I was just looking at customer reviews of hotels in Paris and noticed the hotels never reply on these sites to the complaints which is to their detriment. So I'm offering up my services to any hotel which may be reading and below I provide some replies to the real complaints I've read tonight to show just what you can expect should you hire me:
"Armed Police outside for our whole stay. They seemed friendly enough."
Dear Sir, that's the price you pay for being an international terrorist.
"It's quite difficult to brush your teeth without having the bathroom door open"
I believe our courteous staff informed you to remove the piece of string between the door handle and your toothbrush.
There wasn't douche on my floor. And douche-room small and inconvenient.
Sir, a member of staff should have douched up the floor before your arrival. Our apologies.
"There was no sanity in the bathrooms and toilets."
This is because we ask all our patrons to leave their sanity at the entrance.
"I booked the "Amelie Poulin" room, but was given another dark, cramped and very oppressive room instead. It was worse when a friend joined me, and we had to share a tiny little bed."
Welcome to Strangeways, Sir.
"No-one explained how to order breakfast so we received nothing the first morning. We did not receive our wine & chocolates either and no-one knew anything about it!"
Madam, how can I put this politely? Oh yes, is it any ******* wonder?!
"The door for the shower is very clever!"
Due to your feedback, it is now being considered for the vacant receptionist position.
The towels were so thin you could literally see through them.
I believe you were the chap we had to untangle after you dried off using the shower curtain?
"The bathroom tap was broken and the hotel staff available could only provide me with a plier to open and close the tap and promised to have it repaired while I went out for dinner. When I came back, I noticed that it was not repaired"
Sir, you took the pliers to dinner with you.
"The toilet was too small"
No, Madam. Your ass was too big.
I'm fully reachable by pm and can start straight away. Thanks for reading.
my wife is a hotel receptionist.
are you implying she has the IQ of a shower door?
Damn, I ain't gonna get such a job am I?