I'm posting my experience here just in case there's any one else me on this forum, who plans to stop gambling, but hasn't been able to, and just needs a final push. To be honest, from what I've seen everyone here seems to be sensible enough to know when to stop, and I'm the only person that's acted so stupidly, so many times... but I want to post this any way, in case it can help one person!
So I joined here a few months back, having already lost lots of money on multiple occasions tilting on casino offers. Yet I convinced myself that I'd start matched betting, and make money from this sensibly. I didn't ever start with the matched betting, because I became captivated with casinos once more. It started off with success on risk-free WH offers, and from then I started spending my own money... I think I started off with around £1,000 in my bank account when I first joined. With a but of luck, not just through risk-free offers, I had around £2,000 a couple of weeks later. I'd been very lucky on the casinos. However, then I started losing.
As soon as I lost on a casino, I'd instantly redeposit, at least double of what I'd already lost, sometimes triple, or maybe even more. I have no idea how many times I tilted like this, but more times than I care to remember. At the start I got lucky and mostly ended up in a profit, after tilting. However, one time it got really bad and I ended up in debt. I don't remember the figures exactly, but it was bad; even though I'm only 19 I have managed to end up with a £2,500 overdraft, and £1,250 credit card.
Somehow, I won it back. It's got to this level of badness at least 5/6 times over the last few months. In the worst situations I've had been -£3000 in debt. Somehow though, to this day, each time I've managed to end up again though. My best point was when I had £7,000 in my bank account. Each time I won it back I promised to stop, not gamble again, but I'd be tempted back my risk-free offers, and then it would go on from there... I lost the £7,000 and ended up in a lot of debt again, however, somehow, ended up with £5,000 soon after that. Since then I lost it all and more a couple of weeks ago I had £0. I decided to stop once more, but got 100% offer from Casino770 and was too tempted, so I used my overdraft to make a £200 deposit, with a £200 bonus, and bet all £400 on my 4 favourite numbers on the roulette... once more i was lucky and won approximately £3,600.
I was back in the game. Yet, the idiot I am, I lost it all... tilting I bet all I had left on my overdraft and credit card on black on the roulette, and won. So this morning, again I had about £4,000. I decided to stop again, but no... saw today's WH offer and was too tempted.. I won a tiny amount, and decided to keep testing my luck until I lost £300 on roulette. From then I kept depositng more and more, and as it stands I'm £1,100 in debt on my credit card.
I've rambled on a lot about my gambling patterns, although I could probably have summarised it much quicker, but I'm just typing as it comes into my head... I want to now tell you how bad the situation has gone in the past, one time when I was majorly in debt (before winning it back and more) i tried to commit suicide, overdosing on caffeine pills... it was horrible. I lay in my room at uni for almost 24 hours, just lying in bed, in just horrible pain, feeling like I've never felt before. It was this time that I ended up £7000 up, because I realised I had £200 left in a casino account (which seemed like nothing since i'd gambled away several thousand that night already) and put it all on a single number and won. Either way I still wanted to die, until I convinced myself it was silly almost a day after, and went to a hospital alone.
So a few hours ago I had several thousand pounds, now I'm -£1000. Initially I started googling suicide tips once more, then I thought that I could bet my overdraft on roulette too and hope I win. But I've decided not to. I've told my best friend about all of the above, because up till now I've told noone anything. I really do plan to stop now, to be honest I don't really have a choice. It's gone on way too long. I wish I'd never started, but at least, I'm still alive, and "only" £1,000 in debt. One day, hopefully that will seem like an insignificant amount of money, but for now I have to pay it back somehow. I don't know how I will because I don't have a job at the moment, but what I will do is sell sell my mobile phone which is probably worth £300, and any other unnecessary items I have.
I'm sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to tell people here about what I've gone through, exactly how I felt it. Like I said at the start I know i'm probably very rare on this forum, as someone who has been so stupid, but in case there's someone in a similar situation, maybe they'll read this and do the right thing, and stop.
I already feel angry, disappointed, disgusted and sad at myself, I know how stupid what I've done is. I hate that I know how hard my parents work for money and that I've thrown away more than what they earn in a couple of months away in seconds.
I'm not sure what I expect people to say in return, I wouldn't be surprised if you tell me how stupid I've been, but I just wanted to share this anyway.
Time for a fresh start... with no more gambling.
PS. I contemplated emailing the casino that I just lost a good £4000 to and asking them to show mercy, but presumably that's stupid? Or has anyone heard of casinos be sympathetic in these situations?
Really sorry to hear your story Shiv. U need to self exclude yourself from everywhere maybe with your friend with you to make sure you carry it through and move on with your life before Casino's destroy you at such a young age.
Luckily you are still young enough to put this sorry chapter of your life behind you and concentrate on your career... I remember you saying on chat that you were going into politics.
Good luck and hopefully will not hear from you again.
Hello mate,i feel for you mate but honestly nothing is worth taking your life for.I can tell you i know that feeling though of thinking theres no other way out,mine was for much different reasons but you gotta take each day as it comes mate.
You must give this up though mate for your own safety as much as anything.All i can do is wish you good luck mate and hopefully a lot happier times to come.
I usually take the piss but this looks real. I suggest you go and see your doctor, he will point you in the direction of the correct help you need.
Good luck and keep away from this forum.
A very moving story and I can imagine how hard and yet helpfull posting your story must have been to yourself..
Please don't do anything silly, we're all here to listen and help anyway we can....
I really can't confide in anyone. I can't bear for any one to know. It took a lot just to tell my best friend... he wants to lend me the £1,000 but I can't bear to even take it from him!
Originally Posted by profit
Even as strangers, we can tell you that there is no amount of gambling debt you could ever get into that equates to the value of your life. I have no doubt your family, friends and everything that lies ahead for you in the future would support that statement.
All I can do is to urge you to acknowledge the balls it took to write what you did and to now make a call to the Samaritans (UK: 08457 90 90 90 / ROI: 1850 60 90 90). There is no shame in calling them and they will hear countless similar situations each and every day.
You are not alone in what's happened to you. You do not have to be alone in dealing with it.
Even if at this moment you're not considering harming yourself, we all want the best for your well-being and by making that call I truly believe you will be taking the first step to change your life.
I wish you all the best,
I would echo all of the above and also suggest you spend some time looking at:
GamCare, gambling addiction, gambling problems help, support and advice, the national problem gambling organisation UK
Where you will get a lot of professional help from people who are trained to help, it is their job to help, they can and they will help.
All the best
Have a plan and stick to it
fight hard to resist the urge to gamble shiv and you will develop your self discipline...this will benefit you as you go through life...
"The price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret."
.. one more point I'd like to make.. a year ago my brother ( accidently ) killed himself.. as someone whose suddenly lost someone , totally unexpected, for those left behind it's something that causes so much pain, and if you love or care for anyone, you have to realise that they would carry that pain for the rest of their lives, as you never get over that...