So as some of you know from my posts in the chat box, I've been suffering from depression and social anxiety. On that note, I greatly appreciate the private messages I received. I will reply to them. Sorry for not doing so yet.
I have felt myself slipping a little bit with the gambling recently, using it as an escapism so I don't have to deal with other things in my life. Obviously I should have recognised this earlier and dealt with it, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. Little things like losing £5 on a bonus, getting annoyed and winning it back on roulette. In addition I've been doing far riskier casino offers, involving large double ups and gotten rather desensitized to money. I've had a large up streak over the past month, and made a few thousand. So far I hadn't really done anything hugely -EV though, all offers were +EV and any chasing I did was fairly limited.
However, that all changed tonight. I realised I clearly have a major gambling problem. I resolve here and now to never ever gamble again. EVER. I clearly cannot control myself. Here is what happened:
I received an email from William Hill offering 25% cashback on games up to £250. I did £1k on DOND (ffs crazy) and lost most of that. Then lost the rest. I was fairly annoyed as you can imagine, but what I did was still +EV and I should have been able to deal with it. I didn't. I deposited £1k and span on vegas games, roulette. I won. Massive rush. I was now level with £250 cashback to come from the games section (different area of site).
Much to my regret now, I then noticed that my huge roulette spin had got me some way through the wagering for the first tier of the vegas £25 monthly bonus. So I figured I'd just finish that off. I wagered £5 a go on some card game, and after a while was down £25. So stupid me decided "hey, I'll just win that back on Roulette, it still counts towards wagering, so this is still +EV playing...". What follows is a list of spins as shown in my account history:
So yes, I did just lose £14000. £14000!!!! This is despite understanding perfectly well that martingaling is a foolish thing to do. But red mist set in. Lost all control of myself. If I'd had access to the rest of my savings I'm sure I'd have done a £14000 spin to try to win that back. Given that I've had a fairly good year, I'm "only" down a few thousand. But it's still a ridiculous amount of money to throw away. I never thought I'd do something like that.
Anyway, I half expect everyone to call me a complete imbecile. And that would be fair. I have done an extremely stupid thing. But at least I've found out (at great cost) something about myself. I am not cut out for this game. I'm 21 ffs. £14k losses on roulette are not "normal". I cannot express the feeling of panic, the adrenaline rush, etc. Indescribable. At least I'm not in debt (thanks to having made more than this previously). I haven't totally screwed up my life. Though this certainly won't help. But as long as I address this now, realise I have a huge problem, I should be able to get back on track. I have to accept it's gone. It's not coming back. Game over.
For anyone out there who occasionally feels themselves slipping, I URGE you to look long and hard at yourself. As I say, I noticed little things the last couple of months, but pushed them to the back of my mind. It's cost me dearly.
Although I'll obviously still receive offers, and could conceivably make this back, I think I'm going to call it quits. I cannot risk it, I do not have control. I only wish I'd realised this before splurging £14k. I need to concentrate on other areas of my life, give up any ideas of doing this as a part time living.
Gavin
Last edited by dark_knight; 29/11/2011 at 20:21.
Reason: Screenshot to make it seem "real"
Dark Knight...I sincerly empathise with you!! When my long term partner left me and I became a single Dad I drank a lot and had depressed. My whole world was turned upside down. I also did this gambling and took a martingale approach. On his Birthday I gambled to ease pain of him not being in my house and ended up doing £2k on BJ hands. Thankfully I recovered back to break even and then physically passed out form the up of adreneline and then the complete down.
I was lucky and got out even but I know your pain and for your loss I am sorry!
Mate a few weeks ago I turned £200 into £5k playing slots at Willhill.
The withdrawal was in and I was chuffed. Being a friday, the withdrawal wouldnt be processed until sunday and without going into much detail, I cancelled the withdrawal out of boredom, and procedded to spunk the full £5k playing blackjack, starting with £25 hands and busting on £200 hands.
Not as bad I know, but haven't touched an offer since.
We have all been there in some capacity, I am sure. The money isnt the be all and end all, and I didnt chase by redepositing. I 'lost' £200, but spent a few days reflecting on stupidity.
A stark warning though. I know I have to try and manage my red mist sometimes and have had a couple of big losses chasing stupid amounts like a £25 bonus. Both times I had some time out, the first time was nearly a year, the second only a few weeks. But I've come back with a refreshed outlook and I now only do simple casino offers with minimal wagering and force myself to stick to a gameplan and not chase anything. In honesty I probably shouldn't touch casino offers.
Sorry to hear about that DK that is an awful situation and highlights how easily it can happen. At least you know it's a problem so can start dealing with it hopefully. Stay off the PC for a few days would be my advice, go do something else you enjoy (or force yourself to do something healthy!), come back in a few days when you've had a bit of time to think it all through. At least you're only down a few grand and it doesn't sound like it was money for the rent/debt collector etc.
Whilst it sounds harsh and you have always been a valued member of the community for the last few years, if you want to suspend your account here then contact us and we can sort it out - although obviously not straight away whilst you've got PMs to read/reply to. Very sad situation.
Downer DK. Not saying its 100% down to you as its very easy to get caught up in the gambling vice, thats why theres sooooo many bookies around. As others have said, I would go and unplug the PC and shove it in the loft for a week or so you cant even turn it on. After a week thinking about what happened Im sure you'll feel alot stronger in dealing with the situation.
I've done martingale before and realised what a bas7ard it can get you into. One long run can screw you big time and you convince yourself the next one will go the other way....
That's sickening to hear DK, ridiculously bad luck to lose so much when the chances are ~500/1.
You definitely need a time out and maybe speak to some of the gambling problem people. It seems that your tilting recently has been brought on by other problems though so I feel that you are not quite the GA poster boy yet.
Quiting is always the best idea for mug -EV punters as it is destined to be a race to the bottom.
Maybe you could drop your upload limits on your accounts at least for the time being, I think closing accounts is irreversible?
You could also try and ringfence your float and put anything else in ISAs or something that takes time to withdraw from.
I maybe shouldn't be trying to convince you not to quit but I keep thinking of WillHill no lose Fivers!
Anyway, you're 21 and maybe your time could be better spent not sitting at a fucking computer
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